A Promise to do the work
I am on the cusp of 6 months of continual sobriety. I go to an AA Meeting once a week, I don’t have a sponsor and I haven’t jumped into to Step 4 since my old sponsor broke up with me this past July. I have let myself get stuck here, maintaining my health habits but not continuing to do the work to pull away more veils and expose what needs light, air, and some nurturing. Obviously, I have let my sponsor resentment keep me from working on my resentments.
Last week's meeting I pledged in front of the this small intimate, quirky group of men (yes, I’m the only woman who consistency shows up) that I will begin my work on Step 4. I’m now ready. I have known for a while about how beneficial this work will be, but but but. I found reasons and other things to keep myself busy. Productivity is a great distraction for me.
I have my dog walking friend, who is a coworker and an AA member tell me many times that he will be my sponsor if I want, just ask at any time. I’ve been resisting asking, I am nervous that it will taint our friendship, that I will not be able to handle the “expectations” set forth in the sponsor-sponsoree relationship. He is much more open than my last sponsor, but he still goes to meetings a couple times a week and he has 10 years of sobriety. The traditional ways of AA have served him well. I think I will see if he will meet me where I’m at: step 4 and 5. I don’t want to wallow in my understanding of Steps 1-3. I’m good with being powerless and letting go of the control to something bigger than me. I'll see if he is receptive.
Part of the work of doing the steps is reviving this processing space. I have missed it.
Gratitude List (new habit I have wanted to try, first go)
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. My life is so much better for it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp