I think about writing all the time, but I can’t seem to get into the routine of it. I have developed other routines that I’m not willing to give up to bus blogging. I’ve been listening to my book club books on Audible and crocheting granny squares. I have aspirations to make a blanket. Outside of my work commute I don’t have the mental space or time to write either. I’m so extra busy with work and figuring out life here that I don’t have space like I did in Egypt, and I guess I don’t feel as needy to have this blog to keeping me going every day. It doesn’t feel as scary to not drink, nor do I have the daily mental battles over it. I won’t lie and say that the little voice in my head doesn’t speak up about the “no harm for one drink” but it is no where near as loud as it once was.
I will confess that I did have two drinks on Thanksgiving. It feels like a confession because this is a place to contemplate sobriety, but I don’t feel like I’m back to square one because of it. I didn’t fall off the wagon and go on a binge. I had two drinks at a Thanksgiving buffet in an Irish Bar in China. In the whole scope of things, its okay. Here I am a few days later, gone through another week-end sans booze.
Since I stopped drinking again (besides those two drinks) I’ve already lost 2 pounds. I feel better about myself and my week-ends. I actually picked up my violin and played tonight. I haven’t played in about 4 months. I’m slowly finding my way back to my healthy habits and hobbies.
It’s amazing how just committing to writing about not drinking works for me! For now anyways, until it gets hard again. I was just telling Husband that maybe a rule I should follow is that I can drink in countries that I don’t live in. Would I want that? Would that open me up to slippery slope? Would that just make me hungover throughout my vacations? Why do I need to drink at all?
I am considering this option I must admit. But before I decide, I need to read through my old blog journey to here in order to remind myself where I have come from. Do I need any drink in my life to be contented with myself and my life? Do I need a pressure release a few times a years to allow for a simple pleasure?
Today was Family Fun Day at our school. An all day school event that was mandatory attendance. I didn’t get any of the beers on tap and it was “forced fun” but I still managed to have an enjoyable time.
I went right through Hump Day forgetting to write. I guess that is a good thing? Work keeps me in the present moment and then after work I made dinner: Chinese broccoli with beef and ginger. After that I couldn’t bring myself to work more, since today I will be at work until 8:30pm for a talent show, so I went to get my nails done. The lady was overly detailed and it took two whole hours! I was thankful that had headphones and battery life to listen to audio book.
I’m listen to “Big Brother” my Lionel Shriver, which is about a sister-brother relationship after he comes for a visit and shows up close to 300 lbs. There are addition issues, fat politics, underbellies of families and relationships woven it. I recommend it.
So yesterday was filed and drinking didn’t enter my mind. Today I will get home after my bedtime, so I feel safe. Especially since I has mostly kept the rule of not drinking at home during my 3-month experiment. What is next is negotiating the week-end. We have a two campus K-12 staff and family event on Saturday, mandatory attendance and free flowing wine and beer. Standing around at forced social event with drinking staff members will be my next test.
Day 3: Tuesday
In Egypt Tuesday was Hump Day, halfway through the work week and so a hurtle to dryly cross over. It is Tuesday here in China, which is like any Tuesday. I’m feeling okay today about the not drinking. There was a slight pang of outsiderness and loss when my boss slumped into my couch and said, “God I need a beer” and I thought “Yeah, me too…oh, no, not me too.” I’m back to the re-think and re-direction of what sooths me during stressful times. Without booze I have to ask myself what will really help me to have some release, escape or bolstering. For me, booze is the lazy way to feel like I’m treating myself, but then the next day I’m thrown back into the same mix with a hangover that led me to want to drink in the first place. Sound familiar, self?
What will I do to relieve myself from the stresses of the day?
My Tuesday night looks pretty good in list-form. My world looks full, diverse, interesting. Way more interesting than eating a pizza and drinking 3 pints of IPA at the local Irish Pub, right?
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. I like myself better for it and have a full life because of it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp