Day 2-Monday

It’s a rainy Monday morning in Guangzhou, China.  I am bus blogging again so I have a friend to start the journey anew.  I feel, unknown witnesses, that I need to expand a bit about why I want to quit again at the same emphasis that I have not been out of control since I started drinking again.  I would venture that I have only gotten drunk a few times in the last three months.  But the changes in me I haven’t liked and the stress of holding my own lines feel too much to bare indefinitely.  How many times can I say no?  How much effort to I want to put into negotiating the terms of my rules and exceptions.  There are always exceptions.
 
Some of the rules I tried and their success rates:
 
Rule

• Can’t drink alone - Fail, but only once?
• Can’t drink with only Husband - Fail, I don't have enough friends to drink as often as I want
• Can only drink on week-ends - Fail
• Only three drinks - 50% fail, usually went to 4, “only one more”
• Can’t drink at home - More success than fail, proud of this rule
• Drink only every other day - Fail, week-ends
• Wine and beer only - Success

Changes I didn’t like seeing:

• Gained about 10 pounds
• I eat in bars
• Max out my 3 drinks each time, never just one
• I think about my day’s drink plan all day-looking forward to it
• Creative space filled with lazy drinking at the bar
• Hangovers add to my exhaustion and poor eating choices