It’s a rainy Monday morning in Guangzhou, China. I am bus blogging again so I have a friend to start the journey anew. I feel, unknown witnesses, that I need to expand a bit about why I want to quit again at the same emphasis that I have not been out of control since I started drinking again. I would venture that I have only gotten drunk a few times in the last three months. But the changes in me I haven’t liked and the stress of holding my own lines feel too much to bare indefinitely. How many times can I say no? How much effort to I want to put into negotiating the terms of my rules and exceptions. There are always exceptions.
Some of the rules I tried and their success rates:
Can’t drink alone - Fail, but only once?
Can’t drink with only Husband - Fail, I don't have enough friends to drink as often as I want
Can only drink on week-ends - Fail
Only three drinks - 50% fail, usually went to 4, “only one more”
Can’t drink at home - More success than fail, proud of this rule
Drink only every other day - Fail, week-ends
Wine and beer only - Success
Changes I didn’t like seeing:
Gained about 10 pounds
I eat in bars
Max out my 3 drinks each time, never just one
I think about my day’s drink plan all day-looking forward to it
Creative space filled with lazy drinking at the bar
Hangovers add to my exhaustion and poor eating choices