Still feeling good and it is starting to weird me out a bit. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between happiness and numbness. Am I content or numb from my emotions? I've had panic attacks over feeling numb; it scares me not to care or feel. But feelings are much more easy to identify when they are darker shades. I'm much more comfortable sitting with angst and wistfulness. And they go much better with whisky and indie rock.
Happy seems hollow, fleeting, boring even. Maybe it is just the word and how it has been thrown around too much: "don't worry, be happy." Cheerleaders. Kittens. Emoticons.
What might be a heavy influencer to my emotion high are hormones. Let's see how I'm feeling in a week, when I'm at the bottom of my menstrual cycle.
In the meantime, I'll enjoy the lightness while digging around to make sure I'm not numbing out. I have therapy tonight. I'm curious if I'll be able to tap into my concerns. Sometimes I'm just not able to access my emotional junk and sometimes when that door gets cracked, all sorts of shit tumbles out. Maybe I'll talk about this very thing with therapy lady.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell