Its been a while, I haven't even wrote in the sober days of the eighties at all and I'm more than halfway through them. Wow. And so close to 3 months-that's an accomplishment! That's sounding better! And I am feeling better, so much better. So much better that I didn't feel the need to blog when on vacation-I felt too busy and content to find time for any of my personal care maintenance besides to be in moment-so delicious to be unstructured and out of routine for a week.
I was on a cruise up the Nile River to visit the major sights of ancient Egypt-and I so enjoyed the experience: the cruising, the touring, the time with my in-laws. Throughout the week I did do mental check-ins to see how I was feeling about being out of my routines and how I was responding to seeing the alcohol around the boat. No red flags, no urges, no cravings. Feeling happy.
With two more days of vacation I'm still feeling solid, with less urgency to have my sobriety front-and-center. I feel the pull to take a step back from sober world, my time has been devoted to reading, thinking, talking, listening and writing about alcoholism, sobriety and my emotions. I even struggled to pay attention to the Bubble Hour yesterday on my jog-I want to listen to stories outside of sobriety again.
It seems healthy and normal that at about 3 months I would want to broaden my world again-but I have taken the warnings about complacency to relapse seriously. And maybe this pink cloud will pass when work starts and I will need to realign myself with sobriety world to cope. I also know myself that I'm really good at shelving emotions and thoughts to worry about later. So I will continue with therapy, this blog and the Bubble Hour, but will honor my desires to use some of my limited free time for passions other than sobriety. I miss learning Arabic and my brain is ready to dive into fiction instead of recovery.
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. I like myself better for it and have a full life because of it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp