First off I've discovered another trigger last night: the power going out. Here in Egypt it can happen a couple times a week or everyday for a couple of days, or not for weeks. The point: it is part of life here. The desire to drink hit me really hard too. Instead of pouring a drink I played tug-of-war with Dog Face and let a few minutes pass. Husband came home and the danger zone passed. But wow, the thought of the whisky glinting in the candle light, the sound of the ice cube crackling, and peat floating up, siting on the couch with candles lit all around sounded so beautiful, romantic and sophisticated. It breaks my heart.
What can really replace that feeling? FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? Hot cocoa? Feh. I don't want sweet drinks. I need another bitter sipping drink retreat. I have been liking bitters in soda water, taking my coffee extra strong, drinking green tea. But what else? There just may not be something that has so much wrapped up in a glass for me. At least for a long time. I have to remember that there's 20 years of habit-forming behavior behind a drink.
Today I had a huge appetite-basically two breakfasts and two lunches and then on the way home ice cream popped into my head. I bought some and ate it before dinner. I don't ever crave sweets, but I do now. I remember a friend telling me that the body will crave a regular supply of sugar but it doesn't recognize the source. Maybe I'm entering a phase where my body is really feeling the lack of sugar and calories from booze and is asking for more. Or am I seeking another reward system for my dopamine receptors? What do I do? Indulge healthily or continue on with my normal eating best I can, let it happen because it's still better than drinking? I need to do some research about this.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell