I'm coming down from my Pink Cloud, so long Pink Cloud, stop by again because it was fun.
Yesterday was a bit taxing and one root cause was too little sleep. Another was the dread of confronting teachers who didn't turn in their grades on time. One particularly, who left early on day the grades were due, didn't tell me they weren't done, and on top of that has been hostile and disrespectful when I have addressed his unprofessionalism. He was just as salty and disrespectful as I thought he would be this time. I said my points though, but it got under my skin. And then I have to have that internal conversation, is it because I'm a woman? Is it how I carry myself that opens up that opportunity to challenge me? Basically, how is this my fault that he didn't take ownership of his bad behavior?
It didn't help my emotional state when I share this with my colleague and he asked me if I asked this teacher why he was being disrespectful me. That just magnified my feeling of being a push over. In all honesty, I would have never thought to call the teacher out by directly addressing how he was speaking to me, "Don't be disrespectful, I'm asking a reasonable question. Why you didn't have your grades finished on time?" I have been able speak to students that way but haven't had to have those conversations with adults yet until this year. The world of management...here I am. Just do your job people!
I went through my day churning over that conversation fuming and trying to shake it off. I continued my day: I worked out with my workout buddy after school through an upset stomach and negative cloud. Even exercise couldn't make me shake it.
Then I left my wallet on the school bus and walked into house with Husband radiating negativity from his frustrating day. I didn't have the energy to pull him and myself out of it, so we largely ate dinner in silence to avoid talking about our negative days. Sometimes I can't rehash the work at home. Let it rest, let it be work that doesn't define my person outside of work. Today was one of those days.
We did our separate things, and went to bed early. I did stop by the nail place to get one nail redone, and had a nice time there. She is a lovely woman and I gave her a mini-English lesson and she decided I needed make-up and did my eyes like her. Heavy bright blue eye liner on my lower lids all the way to the corners of my eyes with lots of mascara. Very Egyptian. It was fun to play and see my eyes in a style that I would never wear but she thought was beautiful. She was sharing her beauty with me and she is beautiful. It was nice, probably not an experience I would get in the states when I ask for a re-do on a service. A mini-reminder that I'm in a foreign land where I get to have unique experiences. I treasure that, it lifted my mood.
Today is already looking better for me with my starting spirit. Not a pink cloud, but not a black one either.
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. My life is so much better for it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp