I am proud of the work I've done to address my ghosts since becoming an adult, even while I was drinking I did some of this work. I may not have seen how my alcoholic-laced childhood, my own drinking, my perfectionism and anxiety were all connected, but I did work on pieces of the puzzle independently since my twenties. Now I'm trying out my newest lens: effects of addiction.
Starting as early as 2005, I had goals to end being a "yes girl" at work. Later I learned the term "work place martyr" and realized I was one of those too. First one in to work and last one to leave fueling my resentment of everyone who didn't work as hard as me. The cross I would bare was to do the jobs of others because they "incompetent" or "lazy" in my eyes.
It is still a work in progress to have balance in my professional life. I'm better now than ever, but I still have a lot of work to do in my mindset. Personal work that will help keep my stress levels in check, my professional relationships positive and keep my hours manageable.
One thing I've really gotten the hang of is not working unnecessary hours. This year I hardly ever take work home. Yay me!
One thing that I really need to keep present in my mind is doing only my job. I can't take on other people's jobs or create jobs for myself as I see the need. A quote from "After The Tears" sums up some of the current issues I want to focus on under the umbrella of team player:
Learn to Trust and Become a Team Player: Many of us who grew up in alcoholic families gained some sense of self-worth through learning the tasks necessary to run the family or take care of siblings. We felt it was our job to make things work, and sometimes to make the alcoholic better. We became a one-person show, never trusting that anyone was there to help. As a result, we are often uncomfortable if we are not attending to every detail, project, or activity at work, and we often double-check the work of others. We feel out of control if not in charge. Sometimes we train others to be dependent by taking on more and more of the load ourselves—then becoming angry when we are alone at work at 10:00 PM. We train others to be dependent when we take on the responsibility of others’ feelings and behaviors and continually “fix” things. Learning to be a team player will take discipline and a certain amount of discomfort as you experience feeling out of control and you develop tolerance for feelings of powerlessness while allowing others to make mistakes and be successful.
A major problem I have is the fix things that seem broken, even when not officially under my job title. I stand by that many things need a fixing but I'm been on a rampage this year:
To name a few.....and I have a mental list of things to fix too. I stand by many things that have been neglected at our school and need attention, but I do get resentful that they haven't already been fixed or that other leaders don't find systematic fixes a priority in the same way I do.
2015-Learn to be a team player by not taking on others' jobs, asking for help, and actually accepting help when offered.
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. My life is so much better for it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp