I think I've gotten past the phase where I feel like my own hero for quitting the booze. I quit something that was bad for me. I continue to show discipline and resourcefulness to stay sober. It's positive, yes, but it is time to stop rewarding myself with substitute sweet treats or other things. The rewards from not drinking come naturally from the act of not drinking. I don't need to double up the reward system with unhealthy snacking.
Vanity: I used to drink a lot and then eat bad food that night and the next day AND skip the gym. I haven't done that for 100 days. Why haven't I lost weight, damn it? I think it is the substitute sweet rewards that I would never allow myself when I was drinking. I had discipline in areas outside of my drinking. You know, to balance out the extreme undisciplined drinking habits.
I find rules helpful. I live by principles. I function well within limits.
Sobriety is opening a continuously growing space for me to practice being the best version of myself. And that version wants to live by principles and with integrity.
Does that sound boring to you? Rigid? Self-righteous? It's not. Depends on one's principles, right? Stayed tuned to my upcoming week-end get-away to Paris that I spontaneously booked when my friend said she was going to be there and I should join her. See??? Not rigid!
Back to the vanity, the discipline. I'm joining my friend on a 30-Day Paleo-Style diet. A reset to cook and eat wholesome foods-taking a break from sugars and food groups that cause me to bloat or are found in junk food. A discipline challenge. And maybe I will get back to my year-ago weight as a bonus.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell