Dabble. Sample. Flit. Jack-of-all-trades. Short term commitments. Experiment. Chameleon. Flirt. Superficial.
The above is how I describe my connection to activities, focus, jobs and sometime relationships. But I swear I have discipline, like routines and setting limits, like I stated in yesterday's blog. I'm not always proud of my fleeting interests, but I can do a many of things reasonable well, but nothing as an expert besides to try out something new.
Even with exercise I struggle with the continual routine of it, I can't check it off the list for good and move on. It has to keep happening! And I carry on with the routine even when I find it painfully boring.
This brings me to the non drinking me. The blogging me about the non drinking me. Three months is a long time to dabble in this. It is sticking, but I'm weary about my commitment levels in both blogging and sobriety. Ho hum, I've stopped drinking, isn't everyone in the blogosphere tiring of my aches and pains? I guess you could look away, and that thought makes me sad too; to be left alone again with my thoughts, my demons, my addiction.
I'm in a bored, blah, meh state. Nothing much feels pressing, stirring, exciting. I'm irritable. Wanting an exciting escape from my routine life, which is ironically the day after I talk about discipline and integrity...but I'm not deleting this post and starting over.
I'm fucking ridiculous. And so is auto correct-why does fucking autocorrect to ducking? Who is pretending that fucking isn't a word that is frequently used?
Back to me being ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn't blog at 7am on my way to work when I'm hungry, wanting more coffee and going through sugar withdrawals. That could taint anyone's outlook and make them crave something more glorious than sobriety and cutting out sugar..
Tuesday. Let's do this! (Internal mock cheerleader voice)
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. I like myself better for it and have a full life because of it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp