Dabble. Sample. Flit. Jack-of-all-trades. Short term commitments. Experiment. Chameleon. Flirt. Superficial.
The above is how I describe my connection to activities, focus, jobs and sometime relationships. But I swear I have discipline, like routines and setting limits, like I stated in yesterday's blog. I'm not always proud of my fleeting interests, but I can do a many of things reasonable well, but nothing as an expert besides to try out something new. Even with exercise I struggle with the continual routine of it, I can't check it off the list for good and move on. It has to keep happening! And I carry on with the routine even when I find it painfully boring. This brings me to the non drinking me. The blogging me about the non drinking me. Three months is a long time to dabble in this. It is sticking, but I'm weary about my commitment levels in both blogging and sobriety. Ho hum, I've stopped drinking, isn't everyone in the blogosphere tiring of my aches and pains? I guess you could look away, and that thought makes me sad too; to be left alone again with my thoughts, my demons, my addiction. I'm in a bored, blah, meh state. Nothing much feels pressing, stirring, exciting. I'm irritable. Wanting an exciting escape from my routine life, which is ironically the day after I talk about discipline and integrity...but I'm not deleting this post and starting over. I'm fucking ridiculous. And so is auto correct-why does fucking autocorrect to ducking? Who is pretending that fucking isn't a word that is frequently used? Back to me being ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn't blog at 7am on my way to work when I'm hungry, wanting more coffee and going through sugar withdrawals. That could taint anyone's outlook and make them crave something more glorious than sobriety and cutting out sugar.. Tuesday. Let's do this! (Internal mock cheerleader voice)
3 Comments
4/28/2015 04:09:09 pm
Keep going - don't look back. 90 days is HUGE! Go to a meeting - not sure if AA is part of your recovery, you will find like minded folks there :)
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Collette
4/29/2015 04:58:18 am
I think this post says a lot about why sobriety scares me - The blah, meh, unexciting moments in life. But they pass ... And return ... And pass- so the cycle goes. Or so i would assume since i have yet to make It that far on my own journey. I don't have answers - accept that it still sounds better than drinking. Easy for me to say i suppose. Still, i'm holding tight to this community - it is my hope and support though mostly i'm a lurker. Your story resonates - and how you tell it. The good, the bad, the flip, the flop - it's real and helpful. I hope
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AuthorI used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. My life is so much better for it. Archives
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