I just emailed my brother stating that I stopped drinking and that I'm seeking therapy that that I might email questions about our childhood because some of my memories are blurry.
My brother and I are not close. We don't talk on the phone and definitely haven't compared notes on our childhood. In many of my memories he isn't even in them. Where was he and how did he react to the traumatic events of our childhood? I have no idea.
I'm reaching out, hoping for connection and some healing from the safety of distance and email. He as rather emotional shut down and not easy to talk to at all. Maybe this way I can open some avenues that can help us see how much we have in common and make us closer. I've been perplexed by siblings who are close and hang out as friends. How did they do that? Why aren't we like that? I don't think my brother and I will become best friends but maybe if he's willing to, we can grow closer. As siblings, we can make sense of our shared pasts so we can lead better adult lives.
And now I'm annoyed. Why do I have to work on my relationship with my brother, why can't my family relationships just be fine? Why is it me that has to reach out to him? I don't have anyone reaching out to me! Fuck, why is everything work? Work that I end up in charge of? Geez!