My title is literal and it works its way into the figurative. This morning, waking up at my usual 4:58am, my fatigue seemed to continue from last night where I was too tired for yoga or the simple task of taking a taxi to drop off shoes for repair. I slept walked through the morning routine, curious if I would end up jogging or walking with Dog Face. I found myself opening the door at 5:30am to legitimate blue sky. We jogged!
While the lengthening of the days has been consistently happening and technically I've bore witness to it 5 days a week for month, there are rare moments where I catch up to where I actually am. This was one of those mornings. I was really there: with Dog Face, with the feeling of the road on the bottoms of my feet, the air on my face, the smell of new flowers, with the sleepy guys in galabayas washing cars. I really meant "Sabah el kheir!" [good morning] to the guard by the school. I was there to listen to the bird song as I threw stones for the dog and watched the guy with the ever improving stride jog pass at the exact same time as yesterday and so many other yesterdays. Go that guy! At the end of my half-hour outing I was both physically and emotionally re-charged and energized.
Lessons that I took from this bright morning:
#1. Healthy habits are self-enforcing. I slept walked into my jog and was so glad that I showed up. Keep up my healthy habits and I can autopilot to them when needed.
#2. Catch up to where I am: still figuring out when fatigue is genuine and when fatigue is a leftover mindset. I was so tired all the time when drinking and often I felt on the edge of getting sick. So when I wasn't pushing myself way too hard I was allowing myself to cut out many actives in the name of self-preservation of my health or damage control. It was my form of self-care...to cut out my healthy routines and replace them with sedate, often drinking, routines because I was too tired to do anything else.
#3. Attitude colors my world: what I experienced on my jog this morning was so different from yesterday only because I was different. I create my own reality in many ways with the attitude I bring to it. I remember yesterday's jog as dark (maybe it was overcast?), but today I remember it being full of light. I was so connected to all of it-I was present for it.
As cornball as it is, I have one more thought about this morning. The word "present" means "here," means "now" and it also means "gift". All three definitions of present happened at the same time this morning. The present really was a gift and I was there to receive it. Thank you universe!
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. I like myself better for it and have a full life because of it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp