I watched three episodes of "House of Cards" last night. [Spoiler Alert] and Doug's relapse made me a bit disheartened. And angry with its implications.
Staying sober seems to be so hard in the long run. Once a drunk, always a step away from being a drunk again FOREVER. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. That is true for any addiction: a precarious position that is iffy at best. Only 5% of people who try to become sober make it to 90 days, and of that small group only 5% make it to two years. Fuck me. Am I expected to be a super hero? But, but...it's almost unfair. What if I slip up and have a rough patch, like Doug, and drink for a week then go dry again? So one week means complete statistical failure in sobriety even if I have 10 years behind me and then another 10 years in front of me of abstinence? That's akin to say a diet failed completely because of a candy bar, right? But I know we are talking addiction, not candy bars. Look at poor Philip Seymour Hoffman, 20 years of being clean and then died after using again. That is sad and scary. Addicts are time bombs. Hyper-vigilance and community is the answer, what tedium! I have to remember the benefits of sobriety and keep close the darkness of my state before I quit. This is better. I am a time bomb in either camp-a time bomb of true danger and damage from drinking or a time bomb to slip up. I will pick the latter. Risking relapse is definitely the healthier choice than risking the next black out.
4 Comments
Iwillstartwithwater
3/20/2015 12:35:48 pm
Sorry about the spoiler, but don't worry it isn't a big focus, I swear I didn't ruin a plot line, I was just focused on that part. I am a bit preoccupied with ways of sobriety right now.
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sheila
3/20/2015 03:09:14 am
I just spent my night reading your blog. I am 30 days sober and I can really relate to you. I'm in a great place. I laughed when you wrote that you kept a big glass of water beside your bed. i did the same thing and i realized a couple of weeks being sober that I had the same glass there with 2 week old water! gross! i still don't know what to tell people about me not drinking. My go to statement is "I feel better when I don't drink". I'm going to keep following you, Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps, its nice to know it's working for someone else.
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iwillstartwithwater
3/20/2015 12:39:45 pm
Sheila, I'm happy you are in a great spot, happy 30 days-it's a big deal right? I now get the whole counting thing-it helps me track my growth and remember how far I have come.
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