Tomorrow is two weeks. I’m listening to podcasts. I’m blogging. I’m listening to my audible book Recovering. I don't know if it is enough this time around. I’m considering going an AA Meeting tomorrow and have so many fears about it. I’m nauseous over it, literally sick to my stomach. There is a meeting tomorrow at 11am not far from my house. When I look up information about AA online there are so many stories about why not to go, but I know it helps so many people.
Why I’m sick over this decision:
I’d leave the anonymous safe shadows of online
It makes it real
It makes it a declaration
It’s truly admitting I have a problem and need help
What if I run into someone I know?
What if I run into someone from work?
What if someone from work finds out?
It sound so uncomfortable
If I slip up real people will know an judge and pity me
I don't know if I will have the strength to show up and be me, right now, in front of people in a public space. But if I don't, I don't have anyone to talk to besides the dead air of online. I did it for 2.5 years before, can I do it forever now with the new "lessons" I learned from my trying to drink again? (that I already knew before I started drinking again?)
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell