I have so much to tell you blog! I’ve completed my Step 4 & 5 and now I feel like I have the clarity of where to really focus my recovery....and it is, of course, at the heart of what is most important and most difficult.
The bundled insight I gathered from doing my Step 4 & 5 is that I carry around my disappointments in my parents in their care of me. I quickly see similar failings in my current relationships and old patterns of armoring, intolerance, and resentment are quickly triggered.
To plainly lay it out: Due to their own wounds, addictions and limited tools, my parents were not always the parents I needed to feel safe, loved and understood. These feeling boiled down into the feeling they didn’t do their “role” well and they often were not the adults in the situations.
I see this come out in my feelings towards people in these thoughts/feelings:
“He is the [powerful position], so it’s his job, not my job to do it.”
”Why am I helping you? You should be helping me because [you are older, more experienced, have more power, more money] than I do."
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell