My AA Sponsor Broke Up with Me Today

My feelings are hurt.  Even though I knew things weren’t going well and that I was considering ending my sponsorship too, it stung.  The teacher gave up on me.  Yes, I was a difficult student who asked a lot a hard questions, but still…teachers are supposed to meet their students where they are at, right?  I guess I don’t really know how sponsorship is supposed to work, but she wanted me to follow her guidance without question.  I brought my baggage to the table as I tried to grapple with it as I went through the steps with her.  I wanted a teacher; it seems she wanted a disciple. 
 
This a minor example of how I feel from my last post.  I tried to be so honest with my Sponsor and in the end she rejected me.  If I would have “faked it” a bit more and played by her rules she would have accepted me, but then I wouldn’t have been myself.
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Well, here I am: sponsor free, out on the prowl, no strings attached!  I’m a free agent.  I can look into all sorts of traditions that will nurture my sobriety without being told I’m doing it wrong.  I’m going to embrace this freedom, once I stop crying over being rejected.
 
I’m newly back in China after a lovely visit to Portland.  It was easy and fun to be sober there.  I went to a few 7am AA meetings and found my people there.  Such a Portland quote from the meeting, “If you are a man, or identify as a man, you are welcome to come to the Men’s meeting on Wednesday.”  People were warm and welcoming, we were in a Church basement, there was another women crocheting like me, I ran into a woman I taught with at the high school there, I left with people’s phone numbers and left with warm feelings towards everyone, it was worth getting up and driving 20 minutes to get there.
 
I also went to one Refuge Recovery meeting.  It was 20 minutes of yoga, 20 minutes of guided meditation and 20 minutes of reading and shares.  I loved this meeting style, I guess it was only born a few weeks ago and already there were about 20 people there. I went out afterwards for fellowship with the yoga instructor, chair and her boyfriend afterwards at a gluten-free and vegan bakery.  I saw how they could be part of my community if I lived there.  I could have sober friends easily.  I missed how my life could be if I lived there, I felt homesick for really the first time in the 8 years I have lived aboard.
 
Well, here I am. I’ll go to my weekly AA meeting, I will start my step 4, I will do yoga and foster meditation.  I’m equipped to stay sober.