I’m working out how to go from “hmmm interesting and so true” to actual practice with the insights that I continue to learn.
As I have intellectualized, at the root of all the “whys” of my drinking, insecurities, resentments, blaming. ALL of it stems from shame. Shame simply defined as believing I’m not worthy of [fill in the blank]. I now have a target: my shame.
So what can I do about it? I need some actions steps for deliberate practice in identifying when I’m feeling shame and reacting to it in unhealthy and unproductive ways. If I can identify my shame cycles as they are happening, I can start peel back the armoring and lashing out I do to protect myself from the perceived attack. Maybe get to the point of separating myself enough from it to say, “that’s the shame talking, and I don’t listen to her anymore.”
When I first stopped drinking my addition would talk to me and it was so helpful to see it as a separate voice in my head that I didn’t need to believe anymore.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp -Almost Alcoholic by Joseph Nowinski and Robert Doyle -After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell