I am a researcher of what I consume. I like to research “the best” version of my interests. I have done that in the last few days for some sobriety podcasts and will start looking into blogs to read too. For some reason I haven’t really searched for blogs that connect me to more community, I need to connect more. My first time, I was quite internal in my healing. This blog was a processing space for the work I needed to do. This time, I have done the internal work, but I need to continue to work at the actions. The research, the reading, listening and the blogging are my sobriety security blankets. I know I have to do these things initially (worked the first time) or I risk falling into drinking again (like the last 7 months). While it is a simple formula, “Don’t drink today, repeat tomorrow.” (Thanks Anne) There mental fitness necessary to do that simple act. Maybe it can be analogous to yoga: The simple act of sitting still with a calm mind take lots of physical and mental practice and preparation. I am out of practice of not drinking. For me, the discipline of study, the immersing myself in the world of sobriety and recovery is a life line, since my daily world won’t change much. I have to change from within and this time around I want to be better at building a community.
Some of the sober security blankets I have collected recently, please give more suggestions!
Shopping Ban Connect
I am a researcher of what I consume. While that does help me make informed decisions of what I consume, I do know that “researching” is a form of shopping. And I can unhealthy go down that rabbit hole even if I’m not racking up a credit card bill. Even today, my official Day 1 of my shopping ban, I ended up “researching.” I wanted to blog from the comfort of my bed and the wifi is super weak. I found myself curious on how simple and cheap would it be to be buy a wifi booster? I was on “best of” sites then looking for the comparative Chinese brands that would be even cheaper. I backed away…I’m typing this in Word and will paste in my blog in the living room: where the wifi and VPN are strong enough to jump the Great Firewall.
That’s what I do: spend/waste lots of time researching my interests, any interests, but often to justify a purchase. I’m a minimalist that wants the best version of whatever it is and I’m known to buy multiple versions of something if I settle too quickly on an inferior version. Most recently it has been stupid foam rollers! I have three (2 because I shamefully threw one out) because the stupid knobby things give me bruises and bought new ones hoping it would be better. I also have 3 yoga mats, the 3rd one is my forever yoga mat: Lululemon! I haven’t lived in a country with a Luluemon in 8 years, I had no idea expensive yoga mats were awesome. I even spent hours comparing differing blogging platforms when I considered starting over. It is a bit compulsive, my “researching”.
To pump up my mental discipline muscle I am taking on a shopping ban for the month of May as I kick start my dry days again. Will it be too much? Am I taking away a harmless release value? So what if I spend 3 hours researching the pros and cons of the best blogging sites then end up staying with my current one?
I’m more curious about how often and mindless my activities have been. What will it be like to not to think about and look for the perfect versions of things I need for a whole month+. I really don’t need anything besides to replace the things that I use up, right? Right. I’m still formulating my “rules” and will post them later today or tomorrow. I think I’m stalling on the rules so I can think of more things to add to the approved shopping lists. I will post later today, quick!
I used to drink with the best of them, but I don't anymore. I like myself better for it and have a full life because of it.
-Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp